Is your spouse spending too much?

In a marriage, finances should be discussed from the beginning. If this is not happening, there are many problems that can arise over time, and sometimes they can even lead to divorce.

According to a 2021 survey by Ramsey Solutions, 57% of couples reported that money is a significant source of conflict in their marriages. Spending habits, including overspending, are a common cause of these disputes.

If your spouse is spending too much, you need to know that there are solutions. You don’t need to give up the marriage. You’d better try these methods first and see if they help you solve this problem.

Is it not worth throwing out of the window all of those years you’ve spent together just because of this? Read on and see what you can do about this!

1. Pick the right time to talk

Conversations about finances are always difficult, but when you have a spouse who is overspending, things get even more challenging. Maybe you’ve tried to discuss this topic with them in the past and it turned out into ugly fights, and you are too afraid to try again.

Problems are not going to magically solve by themselves, and you’ll need to approach your spouse again, but this time try to make things different. Put yourself in their shoes. Money is all about security, and if you are bringing this into discussion, you’ll make them feel threatened.

Instead of dropping hints or confronting your spouse about their spending in the middle of a busy or stressful moment, set up a specific time that is dedicated only to talking about finances. Make it clear from the beginning that you want to talk about money.

But how can this help when your spouse is spending too much? This will create a safe environment because both of you have the time to mentally prepare for the talk. You know from the beginning what you are going to do, and this might help you be more calm.

2. Say goodbye to the credit cards

When you have a spouse who is spending too much, having credit cards is a huge risk because it can be the thing that will lead to so much debt that your whole financial stability is destroyed.

Using a credit card is tempting, and if someone has issues with how they spend the money, they can abuse the credit cards. When purchases are just a swipe away, it’s easy to lose track of how much is being spent, and this translates to more financial stress for your family.

Try to convince them that using cash for daytime expenses is the healthiest way. The transactions feel more real, and when you see the money in the wallet, you can take better care of them.

So, remove the credit cards from the equation and make everything safer. The temptation of easy access to credit is dangerous, and you want to shield your spouse from it.

If going entirely cash-based isn’t practical, consider using debit cards, where spending is directly tied to the amount of money in your account. This can also help with financial discipline and, at least, not creating any debt.

3. You should agree on some shared goals

Ok, now it’s time for the discussion. If you start telling your spouse who is spending too much what they are allowed to spend money on and what they aren’t allowed to, you have to know that this is incredibly controlling, and you will most probably start a fight.

We get that you are angry with them because you feel like they are destroying your finances, but don’t forget that you have to be calm and keep a steady voice. It’s all about the bigger picture, and because of this, you both should think about something that we call shared goals.

The discussion should not be about how they are spending too much but instead shift the focus to what both of you want to achieve together, whether it’s buying a home, saving for retirement, going on a dream vacation, or simply building a more secure financial future.

Shared financial goals will be there to help you focus on a common goal. Every time you think about money, you will have the shared goals in mind, and this might convince your spouse to stop spending too much and make the necessary changes.

4. Never blame them

When you are addressing such sensitive topics as the one when you are mad that your spouse is spending too much, there is no room for blaming language. When you’re upset, it’s very tempting to point fingers and make accusations, but this will not solve the problem. Your spouse will most probably become defensive, and it will be impossible to discuss anything with them.

Ok, so what can you do? Expressing your concerns without assigning blame is the right thing to do because this can lead to a healthy discussion. Try to use “I” statements. For example, saying “I’m worried about how our credit card debt will affect us” is a good phrase to start the discussion.

The focus is not on what they are doing wrong, but instead on a bigger issue that affects both of you as a couple. Partnership and not criticism—this is what we’re looking for.

5. Don’t forget about the regular check-ins

Let’s say that you had your initial conversation, everything went great, and you’ve agreed on a budget. What comes next? You should make sure that both of you stay on track. And how are you going to do that? You’ve guessed it! Thought regular check-ins.

Maybe you can agree to a specific time each month when you compare what you’ve spent to the set budget. This is how both of you can see how the money is spent, and if something doesn’t add up, make the needed changes.

This is the best way to create accountability and can make your people more mindful about their spending habits. Also, is a good chance to communicate. These check-ins should become part of your routine, and if you think that the situation is very bad, you can ask them to have these check-ins every week.

This dialogue can reduce misunderstandings and prevent financial stress from building up over time. Sometimes there is a chance your partner might see this as controlling, but in reality, it is just a way to help them manage their finances better. Keep in mind that it is not about blaming them; it is about working as a team that has shared goals they want to achieve.

Managing finances as a couple is a real challenge, and this is especially true if one of the spouses is spending too much. Do you think your spouse is guilty of this? What strategies have you tried to manage spending in your relationship? Share your thoughts or questions in the comments below!

If you want to keep things in order you can create a common budget planner to help you: Simplified Monthly Budget Planner

Do you know how you are spending your money? There are many things that used to be free, but now you have to pay for them: 5 Everyday Things That Aren’t Free Anymore